Sunday, 16:51 | About mother and family

There is something about my past that I only now really start to understand. I mean, I always understood, but truly living with that understanding and accepting it is a whole different story. I was always told to be one of the more intelligent individuals out there and that I could bring it very far, but I always assumed that's what every parent tells their kids. I was wrong.

Some parents literally do not give a shit about their kid and I had the blessing of growing up in not just one, but two patch-work families, both sets of parents with their own incompetence of actually raising their kids. Except that they managed to successfully teached me the, in my opinion, most important lesson that parents can teach you: To judge others not by their looks, their race, religion, etc. but simply by how they act as an individual. The irony of this is, that my parents all do not do this to some extent, yet they still understood this concept and tried to teach it to us kids.

Someone show me a parent nowadays that is mentally incapable of executing a certain thought process, but still teaches it to their kids because they understand that it is for their kids best interest. There are a lot of issues with my mother, my father, my stepfather and my stepmother. But all of them have something in common: They tried their best at raising me and while absolutely failing at that in most instances, they managed to teach me this one vital lesson and I am thankful for that because with every day that passes I see more and more people who get dragged into ideologies and bad cultural spheres, simply because they never were able to learn this one, really important lesson.

This is also why I chose my website background to be the character I designed years ago and that a friend of mine drew. What does the German Empire and European Union have in common? Both were founded by a group of heavily divided people, working together to build a place where everyone of the group can live and thrive. People who were different, hated and even killed each other at some point of their history now working together. It is a dream come true, seeing them jump over their cultural fences.

My mother has been trying to set up contact with me again in the last few days and we had a bit of a conversation last night about what was going on over their place, my younger half-brother and a few other things. I decided to promise to visit on her birthday this year, which is still a couple weeks ahead but also not too far in the future.

I was drunk when this conversation happened. Well, not drunk but a bit tipsy at least which I never was before and it was really weird. I was still very clear in my mind, able to judge, but I noticed how my body was just...slowed down, like having a high ping in an online game. That's what it felt like. I thought a response I gave was done because I was tipsy, but now that I look back at when my mother wrote me that she misses me and I responded simply with "Same" and I now think about it...it's true.

I miss her.